I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
