So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
