I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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