Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
