Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
