Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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