I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
