Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
