sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh god it's open bar.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
