toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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