Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
