Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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