I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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