its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
