wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
