Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
