I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
