I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
