I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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