I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
