whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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