The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize