Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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