Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
