Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
