so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
