im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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