I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
