Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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