I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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