What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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