Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
