I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
