I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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