The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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