im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
