Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
