i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
