maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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