It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
