Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
