Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
