Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
