Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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