My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize