My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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