that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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