You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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