It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize