So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
