i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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