Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Panties = found
Randomize
