It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
