Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
