I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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