do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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