I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
