my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
