No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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