I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
