She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
