how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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