I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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