I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
