My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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