there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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