i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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