Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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