She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
