I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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